32-year-old
Cory has had AIDS since he was 14. With his life at stake, he developed
a fitness plan that could work for all of us. By Tom Dyer
"I TRY
NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT"
Cory currently takes more than twenty different medications
routinely. "It's something I've dealt with most of my life," he says. "It's
really just a very small part of my life and who I am."
Agenerase - protease inhibitor.
Norvir - protease inhibitor.
Hivid - non-nucleocide reverse transcriptor inhibitor (NNRTI).
Zerit - NNRTI.
Neurotin - neuropathy and seizure preventative.
Diflucan - oral thrush preventative.
Bactrim DS - PCP (pneumonia) preventative.
Zithromax - PCP preventative.
Prilosec - ulcer preventative.
Acyclovir - opportunistic preventative.
Lopermide - anti-diarrheal.
Albuterol - asthma inhaler due to PCP residue.
Nasonex - allergy decongestant.
Oxandralone - steroid.
DECA - steroid.
Depo-testosterone - steroid.
Men's Prenatal Vitamin - mega-vitamin.
B12 injections - for energy and to help vitamin absorption.
Zoloft - anti-depressant.
Valium - anti-anxiety, sleep.
BROKEN
WINGS
by Cory
Why do we
always seem to love what hurts the most.
Memories fading back in time, linger like a ghost.
Maybe we chose to love the ones with broken wings.
Hoping they will return our love, drawing tight our strings.
Soon in time we'll learn from this, when one day our wings grow strong.
Strong enough to fly away, righting what was wronged.
Broken wings are meant to mend, and heal in time they do.
Bringing true love back to us, to last a whole life through.
ORLANDO
-- With rounded glutes and thighs packed into tight-fitting jeans, and bulging
pectorals and biceps peaking out of a tight t-shirt, Cory is an imposing
physical presence. But his eyes command the most attention. They are alive
with an energetic mix of intelligence, sexuality, and sheepish charm. They are
the eyes of an optimist. is the picture of robust gay male fitness,
suitable for display at the most competitive of circuit events. In the year
2001, he is also an example of a surprising development that many have
observed -- some of the fittest among us are the longtime survivors of AIDS.
was infected with HIV at age 14, some 18 years ago. In many ways, the
phenomenon is similar to recovery from alcohol or drug addiction. Faced with
impending disaster, the alcoholic is forced to reevaluate life from the ground
up. Many of those who succeed find an enviable spiritual center that serves
them for the rest of their lives. In a strange and paradoxical way, their
alcoholism becomes a gift. Similarly, those with compromised immune systems as
the result of HIV must examine every aspect of their physical fitness. For
them, a healthy lifestyle means more than rosy cheeks and an extra spring in
the step - it can mean the difference between life and death. Changes in
approach toward eating, sleeping, working, exercising, and reducing stress pay
off in every life category, though, and those with AIDS often become advanced
players in the game of life. The lessons learned can come at a high price.
has been hospitalized more times than he can remember - 13 times in the last
two years - and he has endured physical and emotional extremes. He currently
takes more than twenty medications to inhibit the spread of AIDS and fight off
opportunistic infections. "I've been asked whether I would go back and change
things so that I never had AIDS," says . "I would not, because without that
experience I would not be able to treasure life the way I do now." 14 AND
POSITIVE
The sixth of eight children, grew up in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.
Neither of his parents graduated from high school, and both worked in
factories to support their family. After a blizzard in 1978, they decided to
get away from the cold by moving to Daytona
Beach.
As grew older, he made no secret of his sexual orientation, and his
abusive parents booted him from the house at age 15. He moved in with his
23-year-old lover for a year, then moved to Las Vegas
despite the fact that he was getting sick frequently. In Las Vegas, he was
notified of irregularities when he attempted to donate blood, but he thought
little of it. The disease gripping gay men in 1983 was thought of as a cancer,
and knew he didn't have cancer. But he was very, very sick. "I might
have been exposed to AIDS by my first lover, but I probably got it from a
transfusion during an operation I had when I was 14," says. "Because I
got sick real quick, and that usually only happens with a transfusion."
Eventually his AIDS diagnosis was confirmed, and his family took him in. "I
thought I was moving back to Daytona Beach to die," he says. Treatment options
back then were limited and imprecise. His doctor placed him on 1200 mg of AZT
three times a day - "it was chemotherapy," says - and he remained sick,
although now it was difficult to tell what was opportunistic and what was side
effect. ' body adapted as the dose was lowered, and he responded well to AZT
for about a year before he started getting sick again. It was a pattern that
would repeat itself many times over the next decade or so, as doctors tried
him on DDI, D4T, and other therapies of the day. "These were all single
therapies, so the virus would mutate, my viral load would go up again, and I'd
start losing energy and get sick," remembers.
"I rode my bike every day, and I could always tell when the virus was mutating
because I couldn't ride anymore." He was hospitalized time and again, most
often because of what the strong medications were doing to his body. Although
he currently receives Social Security Disability, continued
to work for years, first as a nursing assistant and then as a mental health
technician in a hospital for troubled children. Eventually he moved to
Orlando. THE PRO-ACTIVE APPROACH
Around 1990, was dating someone who enjoyed experimenting with herbal
remedies - "every morning there would be bottles of pills lined up at
breakfast" - and started getting more pro-active about his own health.
He took up bodybuilding at a competitive level, and began taking steroids
under his physician's supervision. Although he is cautionary about the use of
steroids, believes his regimen saved his life on several occasions. "I
was hospitalized many times, and during those periods my body was wasting
away," he says. "If it weren't for all the lean muscle mass I had developed,
I'm convinced I would have died more than once." gained 60 pounds in
three months, and won medals with a lesbian bodybuilder in couples
competitions. But there was a price. Even those using steroids prescribed by a
doctor are urged to cycle off the hormone periodically to prevent liver damage
and so that the body will retain its ability to produce testosterone. Pleased
with his results, though, took steroids continuously for two years. When
he stopped, his natural testosterone level was immeasurable -- and so was his
sex drive. says that he will likely need to take steroid supplements in
some form for the rest of his life. But with them, he reports that his sexual
function is "at least what it used to be... probably more." During this
period, also experimented with human growth hormone (HGH), a drug often
prescribed as an antidote to AIDS-related wasting. HGH is also increasingly
being abused by gay men seeking the size that will make them stand out in the
circuit crowd. It creates large, lean muscles, but can also lead to mood
swings and an unnaturally squared jaw. "When the jaw reconstruction starts to
happen it's painful," says , "and I was moody enough already, so I stopped
it." says his experimentation with different drugs - many of them quite
powerful - is common among longtime AIDS survivors. "We've had so many things
thrown at us - some work and some don't," he says. "But I now have a better
understanding of my body, so I educate myself before I try anything, even when
it's prescribed by my doctor. I think it's important for people with AIDS to
feel like they're in control of their treatment regimen. The final decision
about what to put in your body has to be your own." has been under the
care of four different doctors in the past 18 years - some have moved, others
he lost faith in. He presently drives to Tampa regularly to see Dr. Lindel
Busciglio. His basic anti-AIDS regimen is something called HAART, which
consists of a rotation of triple to quadruple varieties of four basic
medications. "The virus in me has developed a resistance to everything else," says,
"so if this doesn't continue to work, there's nothing else available for me."
But for right now, his viral load is down from 750,000 to 100,000, and he
feels good. And he is optimistic that medications currently being developed,
including something called "fusion inhibitors," will also be effective. "I
don't know if I'll ever get to zero, like a lot of people have," says,
"but I'm hopeful." also takes up to a dozen additional medications (see
sidebar) to stave off opportunistic infections and mood swings.
Manic-depressive disorder runs through his family, and he has had serious
bouts with depression, including two suicide attempts. But in the last several
years, has adopted a more holistic and spiritual-based approach toward
his fitness, and it has paid off for him. He still works out religiously - "I
love the way it makes me feel, and it pays dividends every time you look in
the mirror" - at Bally's on South
Semoran Blvd.
near the airport. But he also practices Tai-Chi and Yoga, rigorous exercises
that incorporate meditation. "They emphasize balance and breathing and going
to a centered space," says. "Both give me a sense of energy and peace,
and make me feel more connected to the earth." He also uses Reiki, a healing
no-touch energy massage that is popular at HIV retreats. And he makes regular
visits to an acupuncturist and a massage therapist. Most important though,
reports, is daily meditation. He uses tapes by Shake Gwain and others that
emphasize visualization and breathing. "I'll picture myself inhaling white
light and breathing out black, which is negativity," he describes. "Or I'll
visualize a wish or desire, place it in a balloon and send it out into the
universe." The regimen is clearly working. is filled with energy,
optimism, and ambitious plans for the future. Five months ago he created a web
site - http://hivsingles.homestead.com/hivsociety.html -- for people to
exchange information on the latest developments in AIDS research, as well as
individual experiences with AIDS drugs and herbal remedies. It has received
more than 10,000 hits, and was recently linked by PlanetOut.com. is also
preparing to participate in the upcoming Florida Walgreen's Red Ribbon Ride in
March. And he is compiling his poetry (see sidebar) in a book he plans to call Journeys: The Saga of a Longtime AIDS Survivor. Most importantly, he is
making long-range career plans for the first time in his adult life. "I've
discovered that if you think of yourself as disabled, then you are
disabled," he says. "I've lived most of my life subject to this whole
'disability' thing, and I don't want to limit myself anymore just so that I
can remain eligible for $490 a month." Asked if he has any regrets,
pauses then says, "I guess that I put off so much of my life because of this
disease. For a long time I thought I was going to die... I've wasted a lot of
time." But that is balanced by some proud accomplishments. "I've had the
courage to face this thing and learn from it," he says. "And I've helped a lot
of people through volunteer work and talks I've given, and now with my web
site. In fact, I think that's probably my purpose in life... to get through
this, and help others do the same." Contact Cory
at GuyCory@aol.com.