32-year-old Cory  has had AIDS since he was 14. With his life at stake, he developed a fitness plan that could work for all of us. By Tom Dyer

 

"I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT"

Cory  currently takes more than twenty different medications routinely. "It's something I've dealt with most of my life," he says. "It's really just a very small part of my life and who I am."
Agenerase - protease inhibitor.
Norvir - protease inhibitor.
Hivid - non-nucleocide reverse transcriptor inhibitor (NNRTI).
Zerit - NNRTI.
Neurotin - neuropathy and seizure preventative.
Diflucan - oral thrush preventative.
Bactrim DS - PCP (pneumonia) preventative.
Zithromax - PCP preventative.
Prilosec - ulcer preventative.
Acyclovir - opportunistic preventative.
Lopermide - anti-diarrheal.
Albuterol - asthma inhaler due to PCP residue.
Nasonex - allergy decongestant.
Oxandralone - steroid.
DECA - steroid.
Depo-testosterone - steroid.
Men's Prenatal Vitamin - mega-vitamin.
B12 injections - for energy and to help vitamin absorption.
Zoloft - anti-depressant.
Valium - anti-anxiety, sleep.

 

BROKEN WINGS
by Cory

Why do we always seem to love what hurts the most.
Memories fading back in time, linger like a ghost.
Maybe we chose to love the ones with broken wings.
Hoping they will return our love, drawing tight our strings.
Soon in time we'll learn from this, when one day our wings grow strong.
Strong enough to fly away, righting what was wronged.
Broken wings are meant to mend, and heal in time they do.
Bringing true love back to us, to last a whole life through.

ORLANDO -- With rounded glutes and thighs packed into tight-fitting jeans, and bulging pectorals and biceps peaking out of a tight t-shirt, Cory  is an imposing physical presence. But his eyes command the most attention. They are alive with an energetic mix of intelligence, sexuality, and sheepish charm. They are the eyes of an optimist.  is the picture of robust gay male fitness, suitable for display at the most competitive of circuit events. In the year 2001, he is also an example of a surprising development that many have observed -- some of the fittest among us are the longtime survivors of AIDS.  was infected with HIV at age 14, some 18 years ago. In many ways, the phenomenon is similar to recovery from alcohol or drug addiction. Faced with impending disaster, the alcoholic is forced to reevaluate life from the ground up. Many of those who succeed find an enviable spiritual center that serves them for the rest of their lives. In a strange and paradoxical way, their alcoholism becomes a gift. Similarly, those with compromised immune systems as the result of HIV must examine every aspect of their physical fitness. For them, a healthy lifestyle means more than rosy cheeks and an extra spring in the step - it can mean the difference between life and death. Changes in approach toward eating, sleeping, working, exercising, and reducing stress pay off in every life category, though, and those with AIDS often become advanced players in the game of life. The lessons learned can come at a high price.  has been hospitalized more times than he can remember - 13 times in the last two years - and he has endured physical and emotional extremes. He currently takes more than twenty medications to inhibit the spread of AIDS and fight off opportunistic infections. "I've been asked whether I would go back and change things so that I never had AIDS," says . "I would not, because without that experience I would not be able to treasure life the way I do now." 14 AND POSITIVE
The sixth of eight children,  grew up in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. Neither of his parents graduated from high school, and both worked in factories to support their family. After a blizzard in 1978, they decided to get away from the cold by moving to Daytona Beach. As  grew older, he made no secret of his sexual orientation, and his abusive parents booted him from the house at age 15. He moved in with his 23-year-old lover for a year, then moved to Las Vegas despite the fact that he was getting sick frequently. In Las Vegas, he was notified of irregularities when he attempted to donate blood, but he thought little of it. The disease gripping gay men in 1983 was thought of as a cancer, and  knew he didn't have cancer. But he was very, very sick. "I might have been exposed to AIDS by my first lover, but I probably got it from a transfusion during an operation I had when I was 14,"  says. "Because I got sick real quick, and that usually only happens with a transfusion." Eventually his AIDS diagnosis was confirmed, and his family took him in. "I thought I was moving back to Daytona Beach to die," he says. Treatment options back then were limited and imprecise. His doctor placed him on 1200 mg of AZT three times a day - "it was chemotherapy,"  says - and he remained sick, although now it was difficult to tell what was opportunistic and what was side effect. ' body adapted as the dose was lowered, and he responded well to AZT for about a year before he started getting sick again. It was a pattern that would repeat itself many times over the next decade or so, as doctors tried him on DDI, D4T, and other therapies of the day. "These were all single therapies, so the virus would mutate, my viral load would go up again, and I'd start losing energy and get sick,"  remembers. "I rode my bike every day, and I could always tell when the virus was mutating because I couldn't ride anymore." He was hospitalized time and again, most often because of what the strong medications were doing to his body. Although he currently receives Social Security Disability,  continued to work for years, first as a nursing assistant and then as a mental health technician in a hospital for troubled children. Eventually he moved to Orlando. THE PRO-ACTIVE APPROACH
Around 1990,  was dating someone who enjoyed experimenting with herbal remedies - "every morning there would be bottles of pills lined up at breakfast" - and  started getting more pro-active about his own health. He took up bodybuilding at a competitive level, and began taking steroids under his physician's supervision. Although he is cautionary about the use of steroids,  believes his regimen saved his life on several occasions. "I was hospitalized many times, and during those periods my body was wasting away," he says. "If it weren't for all the lean muscle mass I had developed, I'm convinced I would have died more than once."  gained 60 pounds in three months, and won medals with a lesbian bodybuilder in couples competitions. But there was a price. Even those using steroids prescribed by a doctor are urged to cycle off the hormone periodically to prevent liver damage and so that the body will retain its ability to produce testosterone. Pleased with his results, though,  took steroids continuously for two years. When he stopped, his natural testosterone level was immeasurable -- and so was his sex drive.  says that he will likely need to take steroid supplements in some form for the rest of his life. But with them, he reports that his sexual function is "at least what it used to be... probably more." During this period,  also experimented with human growth hormone (HGH), a drug often prescribed as an antidote to AIDS-related wasting. HGH is also increasingly being abused by gay men seeking the size that will make them stand out in the circuit crowd. It creates large, lean muscles, but can also lead to mood swings and an unnaturally squared jaw. "When the jaw reconstruction starts to happen it's painful," says , "and I was moody enough already, so I stopped it."  says his experimentation with different drugs - many of them quite powerful - is common among longtime AIDS survivors. "We've had so many things thrown at us - some work and some don't," he says. "But I now have a better understanding of my body, so I educate myself before I try anything, even when it's prescribed by my doctor. I think it's important for people with AIDS to feel like they're in control of their treatment regimen. The final decision about what to put in your body has to be your own."  has been under the care of four different doctors in the past 18 years - some have moved, others he lost faith in. He presently drives to Tampa regularly to see Dr. Lindel Busciglio. His basic anti-AIDS regimen is something called HAART, which consists of a rotation of triple to quadruple varieties of four basic medications. "The virus in me has developed a resistance to everything else,"  says, "so if this doesn't continue to work, there's nothing else available for me." But for right now, his viral load is down from 750,000 to 100,000, and he feels good. And he is optimistic that medications currently being developed, including something called "fusion inhibitors," will also be effective. "I don't know if I'll ever get to zero, like a lot of people have,"  says, "but I'm hopeful."  also takes up to a dozen additional medications (see sidebar) to stave off opportunistic infections and mood swings. Manic-depressive disorder runs through his family, and he has had serious bouts with depression, including two suicide attempts. But in the last several years,  has adopted a more holistic and spiritual-based approach toward his fitness, and it has paid off for him. He still works out religiously - "I love the way it makes me feel, and it pays dividends every time you look in the mirror" - at Bally's on South Semoran Blvd. near the airport. But he also practices Tai-Chi and Yoga, rigorous exercises that incorporate meditation. "They emphasize balance and breathing and going to a centered space,"  says. "Both give me a sense of energy and peace, and make me feel more connected to the earth." He also uses Reiki, a healing no-touch energy massage that is popular at HIV retreats. And he makes regular visits to an acupuncturist and a massage therapist. Most important though,  reports, is daily meditation. He uses tapes by Shake Gwain and others that emphasize visualization and breathing. "I'll picture myself inhaling white light and breathing out black, which is negativity," he describes. "Or I'll visualize a wish or desire, place it in a balloon and send it out into the universe." The regimen is clearly working.  is filled with energy, optimism, and ambitious plans for the future. Five months ago he created a web site - http://hivsingles.homestead.com/hivsociety.html -- for people to exchange information on the latest developments in AIDS research, as well as individual experiences with AIDS drugs and herbal remedies. It has received more than 10,000 hits, and was recently linked by PlanetOut.com.  is also preparing to participate in the upcoming Florida Walgreen's Red Ribbon Ride in March. And he is compiling his poetry (see sidebar) in a book he plans to call Journeys: The Saga of a Longtime AIDS Survivor. Most importantly, he is making long-range career plans for the first time in his adult life. "I've discovered that if you think of yourself as disabled, then you are disabled," he says. "I've lived most of my life subject to this whole 'disability' thing, and I don't want to limit myself anymore just so that I can remain eligible for $490 a month." Asked if he has any regrets,  pauses then says, "I guess that I put off so much of my life because of this disease. For a long time I thought I was going to die... I've wasted a lot of time." But that is balanced by some proud accomplishments. "I've had the courage to face this thing and learn from it," he says. "And I've helped a lot of people through volunteer work and talks I've given, and now with my web site. In fact, I think that's probably my purpose in life... to get through this, and help others do the same." Contact Cory  at  GuyCory@aol.com.